From a 14 year old guy in the U.S.: I HAVE THOUGHTS AND IDEAS THAT ARE ALWAYS BEING OPPOSITIONAL AND DEFIANT TO ME. FOR EXAMPLE IF I GET SICK THESE THOUGHTS MAKE ME THINK THAT BEING SICK IS MY FAULT AND THAT I AM FAKING BEING SICK, AND RIGHT NOW AS I WRITE THIS, THESE THOUGHTS MAKE ME FEEL BAD. I JUST CANNOT DESCRIBE THEM PRECISELY. WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?My Own Thoughts and Ideas Fight Me
My Own Thoughts and Ideas Fight Me
I wish I had more information. It sounds like you blame yourself for anything negative that is happening to you. It makes me wonder if you have been brought up in a situation where blame and shame were the ways you were disciplined. Another possibility is that you are experiencing the onset of depression. Or it could be something else.
The most important thing is that you are paying attention. You know this isn’t a comfortable way to live and you are trying to get to the bottom of it. Give yourself credit for that! There is no reason to put up with feeling bad for long stretches of time. This kind of thinking can be turned around so you can have happy teen years.
Please talk to your parents and your school counselor to find out the names of therapists in your area who specialize in working with teen boys. Make an appointment and talk this out. There is no shame in getting help when we need it. You deserve to enjoy your high school years free of this negativity.
I wish you well.