From Canada: I’ve always been the smartest kid out of all in my family and that’s why everyone expects too much from me. My mom and dad love me way too much and so do every other relative of mine.
I started smoking weed because I had anxiety and honestly it really helped but then I got caught. My parents yelled at me and hit me and I deserved it because I know that even if weed helped me, it’s against my religion and I shouldn’t have done it. But now they’re treating me like I’m way too special. I don’t want this. I don’t want all this love. They don’t trust me so they won’t let me leave, or even lock the washroom. Everyday my mom makes me promise that I won’t touch weed ever again and I promise her while I’m thinking of a way to run away from here. It breaks my heart to break her heart. I don’t have any friends because I can’t hangout with them. I don’t even have any social media or phone. I want to runaway and get kidnapped or something so I could never see these people ever again without it being a choice. The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because I don’t want my mom to die. I know that she wills if anything ever happened to me. She is a major heart and mental patient. It would kill a lot of people including my parents and sister, my aunts and uncles, and my grandfather. Everyone expects too much from me. 80% marks are average and I’m cool with that. But I hate it when people say that I will become something big because I’ve always just wanted to be a singer but I’m not allowed to sing or listen to music. I’m good at everything. I’m perfect at everything: courses, art, poetry, sports, health, everything. I like being good at everything because I’m a perfectionist and when I can’t do something–even if it’s something stupid like hitting a bowl.
I don’t even know what I want. Maybe ESCAPE, FRIENDS, FREEDOM. Why are these things so hard to get?
People are always mean to me. Some people at school call me a whore even though I’m a virgin. Sometimes I like to mess up everything. Sometimes I feel like someone is hammering a nail in my head, literally.