I’m a sixteen year old female, and I grew up with an abusive mother. She has bipolar and narcissistic personality disorder, and I was often the one she projected her negative emotions onto. Social isolation was always, always my punishment, and about two years ago I was forced to stay in my room for six months, only allowed to come out to go to school or use the bathroom. My aunt has recently brought my attention to the fact that I show symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder, and I’ve taken many online tests that say I’m extremely likely to have borderline or be somewhere on the schizophrenic spectrum. I get very mad very quickly, and i can’t control my anger. When I was little I would bite the back of my hand hard enough to draw blood out of anger. I choked my baby sister once because I was so angry that she wouldn’t stop crying, and I’ve had to do community service for assault by contact. when I’m walking home from school, I feel like every car that passes is going to kidnap me and murder or hurt me. I can’t sleep with my door shut at night because I’m terrified someone or something is in my room, in my closet or hiding under my bed. I can’t sleep if the door is unlocked, and I have empty soda bottles along my window sill to let me know if someone breaks in. I have to have a nightlight so I can see every corner of my room to be sure no one is there. I also do this thing, where I literally pretend to be someone else entirely. My aunt says this is called dissociation, but I’m not sure that’s what it is. I don’t feel disconnected from my body when I do it, I just pretend I’m not me. i switch into someone else, but I’m still aware of everything around me. It’s hard to explain. I smoke, I drink occasionally, and I have two tattoos. I’ll also copy the personalities of my best friends, and I’ll do pretty much anything to fit in with my peers. I’m not sure if something is wrong or not, but I decided to ask because my situation at home won’t allow me to go to a doctor. Sorry the question is so long. Thank you.