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I Am Jealous of My Girlfriend

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Hello, i have a question about my relationship with my girlfriend, for a year now. and i need a opinion to get to know why i am so insecure about myself. Me and my girlfriend has known each other for 2 years, the first year just as friends. I live in Denmark, and she lives in England. There is a guy from switzerland that she has known for about 5 years, she never meet him in person until this saturday. She told me about this guy a long time ago, he is of a rich family, and have what it seems to be a good life, whcih i doubt he don’t have, but he have dark side also. First of all when him and my girlfriend met online he was not telling the truth about him and his life. after some time he told the truth about how his life is. He came home in the evening from a bar with his friends where they had been in close contact with some girls. He had told her that he was there but was just thinking of her, and that as he already have a girlfriend for many years, he told her that he wanted to leave his girlfriend, and then go marry her (my future girlfriend at that time) She of course rejected him and also have told me she never could be with a guy like this, and i also believe her, it’s not about that. But this weekend he went to London, because his sister graduated from some law degree, and it happened that my girlfriend was also going to London to be with one of her childhood friends. i will say that, he told her some time ago that he wanted to have a coffee with her and things like that. we talked about it alot of times, first he asked some times where she said it couldnt be possible so. but it happened that in the train on the way to London, he calls her and they set up a coffee-meeting together. i wasnt aware of that by that time until later that evening she told me. and i was so furious, i felt so helpless and insecure, even though i trust my girlfriend, and i know she wouldnt do anything, she said if he tried anything or said anything, she would just walk away from him, which i belive, but i still cant control my rage about it, even the day after it botheres me and we had a discussion about it, and i even acted silly in some way because i was mad that they even get to meet. i don’t know why i am like this, if i see him as a threat, or what it is, but there is something with this guy i don’t like, never meet him or anything, but just all the things i hear, how he is he lies all the time, he is cheating his girlfriend and such things, makes me sick, and also the fact that he said he would marry my girlfriend in the past and even leave his girlfriend to do it. Please help, i hope anyone can help me analys my problem, if it is possible, please ask me to explain further (age 25, from Denmark)

I Am Jealous of My Girlfriend

Answered by on -

A.

Thank you for writing in with your question. The fact that your girlfriend has told you all along about her communication with this other man suggests that she is trustworthy. If she had something to hide, she would be hiding it. She has been talking with him longer than she has known you, so I can understand her curiosity in wanting to meet him. They met for coffee… and she told you about it. Be thankful that you have such an honest girlfriend and let it go. If you continue to obsess about this you will most likely push her away. Your opinion of this man is not really important. What is important is your relationship with your chosen partner.

Long distant relationships can be difficult to maintain, and if you don’t have trust, nearly impossible. Speak openly about your feelings, but keep your anger under control and let your girlfriend know how much you appreciate her honesty.

All the best,

Dr. Holly Counts

I Am Jealous of My Girlfriend

Holly Counts, Psy.D.

Dr. Holly Counts is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She utilizes a mind, body and spirit approach to healing. Dr. Counts received her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Wright State University and her Masters and Doctoral degrees in Clinical Psychology from Nova Southeastern University. Dr. Counts has worked in a variety of settings and has specialized in trauma and abuse, relationship issues, health psychology, women’s issues, adolescence, GLBT, life transitions and grief counseling. She has specialty training in guided imagery, EMDR, EFT, hypnosis and using intuition to heal. Her current passion involves integrating holistic and alternative approaches to health and healing with psychology.

APA Reference
Counts, H. (2018). I Am Jealous of My Girlfriend. Psych Central. Retrieved on July 17, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/05/10/i-am-jealous-of-my-girlfriend/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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