I am a 17 year old male and I live in Boise, Idaho. I have had chronic insomnia for a while and I simply can’t sleep but when I do I sleep a lot. I have an IQ of 150 and I heard that high IQ individuals usually stay up late. The chronic insomnia however makes me have sound hallucinations sometimes and I constantly lose touch with reality, I sometimes pace around the room in bliss while making weird grimaces. I only do so at home when alone. I sometimes feel like losing it and running around like crazy in public or flying into a rage. I barely manage to control myself.
I also sometimes erupt into wild laughter especially at night for no apparent reason. I have to motivate myself to take a shower these days or to brush my teeth; it takes a lot of mental effort. As such I only shower twice per week or five times per week when I have school.
I write a lot and I would like to publish novels although I would like to be a Psychiatrist, so writing would be a secondary profession. Since childhood I’ve had a love for books and I read a lot. Recently however I read less and books that took five days to finish initially now take one month.
This is because I feel that I have to read perfectly as though in public. I have racing thoughts and I constantly guess sentences before even reading them. When I discover my assumptions were false I literally beat myself or bang my head against a wall, I do this to the point that I can’t bear the pain so I read the sentences correctly. This makes reading books unpleasant so I read less.
I also get anxious when asked to read in class for fear that I won’t read well. I also don’t talk much and prefer to be alone due to the unpleasant feelings I associate with socialization so naturally when I talk people are like: “He talks?” and they give me their full attention which exacerbates my anxiety. I therefore stay indoors most of the time and I leave the house only when I have to or to go to school.
I also hate sunlight and all other forms of light, they annoy me. I have f.lux on my phone and laptop but our classrooms are well lighted and my mom says she “hates” darkness so I practically rejoice when she’s not at home. I have very sensitive ears that can pick up the smallest sound so I obviously hate noise. However, my family is one of the noisiest families around so I absolutely hate being with them. My classmates are noisy too so I hate them. My room is dark and I tried my best to soundproof it.
These are the problems I have.