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Dealing with Over-Controlling Parents

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Well it all really started when I came out to my parents. I thought it would be okay even though I knew they didn’t agree with that lifestyle but I didn’t know just how much they thought it was wrong. Before I came out to them they were easy going and even though my mom yelled a lot we all seemed to get along well enough. I had a blog, was on lots of different social media sites and talked to all kinds of people. After I came out my parents immediately started having “talks” with me. They put me down, told me to not live that lifestyle and that I would never be happy. I listened even though I didn’t agree. Eventually after a few weeks of this my parents sat me down and told me they had been through all my social media, including the private ones, my friends accounts (which were also private but my mom majored in computers and was able to get into them) and eventually they found out through these sites that I liked my best friend and she liked me. To a lot of our close friends we were dating, me and this girl but I had kept it secret from my parents knowing they wouldn’t approve. Me and my girlfriend had only ever kissed twice at this point and hadn’t gone far at all but my parents completely freaked out. They made me delete all my social media, break up with my girlfriend and they took all my electronics, including a simple tablet I used for drawing. They told me which friends I could keep and deleted anyone else who they didn’t like (for any little reason) out of my contacts. I wasn’t allowed to talk to people for weeks and I wasn’t allowed to hang out with anyone almost at all. I’ve gone to them many times and told them they are being too controlling and I even broke down during one of our “talks” and told them I’ve been depressed and self harming a little but they haven’t seemed to care. All they’ve cared about is that I’m nowhere near that “alternative lifestyle.” Sorry this probably is a pretty dumb problem but it’s making me depressed and hate them. Any way I can get them to calm down?

Dealing with Over-Controlling Parents

Answered by on -


I am sorry your parents are behaving so poorly with you. I am certain they are doing this out of their love for you, but it is misguided.

The first step is for you to get some support. I’d talk to you school’s guidance counselor about what your options are. Schools may have groups, or the counselor might recommend a therapist. Getting the support you need for talking with them is very important. I’d do this before confronting your parents again.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Dealing with Over-Controlling Parents

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Dealing with Over-Controlling Parents. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 23, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 5 May 2016)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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