From Canada: We had been going out for two years and a half, loved listening rock music together and we were first loves. He was my first and I was his. We would have celebrated our third year together June 12th 2016 had he not broken up with me on march 7th. I loved him so much, but I began slipping away when he wasn’t trying to get me anymore (didn’t make me feel wanted) so then I started being distant, rude, and it wasn’t hard for me to start arguments on anything. I realize I pushed him away so much. When we had arguments he saw me as an evil person who didn’t know when to stop arguing. I realize we had a serious lack of communication, and that I was trying to get his love back by fighting and making him feel bad so he would love me more. That logic makes no sense, I know. I feel incredibly sorry about everything I have done to push him away in the relationship. We moved in together for our first year of university and that is when things started to go down. I didn’t cook much, didn’t listen to him, anything. I would love for him to see how wonderful I truly am and not the person he’d been with for the past year. His parents are very much involved in his life. On the night before he broke up with me I texted him because he hadn’t texted me in two days (we went home for march break) and was upset over it. He told me he wanted to spend time with his family and that if I had nothing good to say to not text him. I left him alone but I called him around 11pm. He was drunk at a friends. I told him our relationship was obviously over if he were to do things like that, I swore a bit on text, etc. The next day he texted me he was on his way home, that I was to find my own drive and that he was going up with his parents and moving out because he couldn’t do this anymore. His parents told him to move out, I am fairly certain. Some parts of our texts he said he still has feelings, and at the end he told me no. Please help fix this!
Thank you for asking your question. The “fix” for this has to do with letting go and taking the good that was in the relationship forward — while learning from the parts that went bad. Just because you want him back doesn’t mean that is where the work is. The priority is to understand why you pushed him away and why you chose to: “… get his love back by fighting and making him feel bad so he would love me more.” Until you recognize why this was your chosen strategy it is likely to happen again.
Before you pursue him take some time talking to a counselor at the university. Don’t jump back into this or another relationship until you can learn a bit more about yourself.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). I Really Want a Second Chance. Psych Central.
Retrieved on July 19, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/05/03/i-really-want-a-second-chance/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.