From Finland: I am in 10 years committed relationship. I have had an affair for two years. Two years of lie and cheat to both sides. Can’t let go of one or the other one.
Got the affair partner pregnant 3 months ago, as soon as I heard of it I ran away and cut almost all connections with her. Not because I don’t love her or not because I am afraid of being parents. Just because I am afraid to tell anyone specially my girlfriend. She is extremely invested in this and if she’d know half of this she will lose herself in worst ways imaginable.
I hate myself for doing this to her, but it is too little too late. On the other hand because of all my lies to affair partner, I have given her the worst picture of me imaginable. And I am abandoning my child. I never imagined being the person I am today, if you can even call me that. I always thought myself to be generally a good person, but living in a lie for two years and lying about everything and putting two people I care about to point of break and ruin, has made me not recognize myself anymore.
I don’t know what to do? I am generally a person who is good at fixing things and situations around, but this one is out of reach. I feel trapped, I know I can be a good father and partner for my child and pregnant mistress! I want to show that to her, I want prove to myself that I can do it but I am trapped, I feel trapped.
My girlfriend (not knowing anything) still sees me as this great guy who she fell in love with. My affair partner sees me as a coward, liar and the cheat that I am. If I leave my girlfriend and tell her that I have a child with another woman, when she has been wanting a child for years and despite all our efforts it never happened, she will be suicidal.
Please help me, please. Advice me, I am feeling worthless and based on what I wrote I am. But please help me fix this for everyone. For my girlfriend, for my affair partner and my child. I don’t want anything for me, Just their happiness. Then I will feel good. Please help.