What a terrible cascade of events! I don’t wonder that you are finding it difficult to be hopeful. There are no words that can make this better. I can only offer my sincere condolences for your losses and perhaps some suggestions.
I’m very glad that you have been trying various ways to help yourself. I hope you continue to do the basics to keep your body healthy (good diet, enough sleep, exercise) and to calm your mind (meditation, therapy, support group). Sometimes it takes a long time to see results but please have faith that those things will pay off.
I hope you have stayed with a therapist throughout this ordeal. The constancy of someone you trust can be an important support through such difficult times. When we don’t have natural supports, a paid helper can be an important anchor until we can develop the friendships we all need.
You do need people. It’s the most important factor in keeping someone afloat through hard times. Those people don’t need to be buddies, at least at first. You just need to be around other people who are life-affirming. For that reason, I suggest you look around for a place to volunteer where there are other people who share your interests.
Do not volunteer at something where you are the only person sitting in an office stuffing envelopes. You need to participate with a group of people who are working together to achieve a goal. I’m thinking of something like Habitat for Humanity or your local Food Bank or being part of a group that organizes a walk for a cause. Working with other people is a low-key way to get to know them. Often a friendship or two develops over time. And meanwhile, you are doing something you can feel good about.
I know that it may seem like I’m asking a lot of you when you are feeling so alone and down. But if you wait until you feel better to get involved, you could be alone and lonely longer than you should be. There is substantial research that shows that volunteering helps with depression and offers a powerful boost to someone’s self-esteem. I hope you will give it a chance.
I wish you well.