I think the important thing to understand is that this decision you are grappling with doesn’t have to be a permanent one. You can proceed as if you are going to go study at a university and wait up until the last minute to decide if you really are ready, you can go and then decide you aren’t ready, or you could give it a try and find that it’s a great situation for you. There are ways to handle any decision you might make and you are putting too much pressure on yourself now to know your future. Your future can be fluid. You are always allowed to change your mind.
The other important thing to know is that you can line up support for yourself ahead of time for if and when you go to college. Most universities have wonderful student counseling centers, as well as departments set up to help with all types of disabilities, including mental health conditions.
I’m assuming that you have a therapist or psychiatrist since you are listing several mental health diagnoses. You need to be talking about your fears with your provider and develop a reasonable plan to help you with your decision. If you aren’t currently working with someone, by all means, please get help. Feeling better and developing healthy coping strategies are more pressing issues than whether or not you go to university.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts