From the U.S.: In short, my ex wife cheated on me twice. Once while we dated and the last time while we were married. We divorced 4 years ago but I have trust and self esteem issues. I let these seep into my relationship with a wonderful woman and after a rocky few weeks and me telling her my gut was telling me something was not right and asking her if she was involved in something behind my back, she finally suggested a break but said that basically this means we are broken up but, if I take the time to work out my issues, it could be just temporary.
She says she hopes I fix things but can’t give me a guarantee that we will get back together because it is almost entirely up to me. She says she is not interested in dating anyone else during this time. We broke up Wednesday night, texted a bit Thursday morning after that I did not contact her. Over the weekend I thought about her a lot but did not contact her and hoped she was thinking about me. Out of nowhere Sunday she sent me a text saying she was thinking about me and hoped I had a great weekend with my family. I love this girl and feel she loves me. One of my good friends even said, based on the texts she’s read, she seems to really love and care for me. I am having a hard time focusing and not thinking about and missing her.
My advice is that you follow your girlfriend’s advice. If you don’t work out your issues around trust, the relationship will probably fail. She apparently cares enough about you that she is willing to take the chance — as long as you do your own healing work. It’s understandable. She doesn’t want to be in a relationship where her partner doesn’t trust her. She is guarding against the pain of accusations and break up.
If you ever want to be in a romantic partnership again, I urge you to get into some therapy to resolve the pain of your divorce so you can trust the person you love.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
Girlfriend Broke Up with Me Because I Can’t Trust
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Girlfriend Broke Up with Me Because I Can’t Trust. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 17, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/04/11/girlfriend-broke-up-with-me-because-i-cant-trust/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 11 Apr 2016) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.