I found your letter to be particularly articulate and insightful. You described feeling that things are false or not real. If I were your therapist, I would want to know more about what you meant by those expressions. Are there things that you used to believe in but no longer believe in? Or is it that you think that nothing is real? Or perhaps both?
Your description reminds me of nihilism. Nihilism is the belief that nothing is real and therefore nothing matters. Depressed people often feel this way. They often feel like their life is meaningless.
Another noteworthy element of your letter, is your ever-increasing inability to feel. Both believing in nothing and emotional numbness, are suggestive of depression. The fact that you find it difficult to participate in academics is also worrisome. Things that once were important to you, no longer are. That too, is characteristic of depression.
I can’t make a diagnosis on the basis of a short letter. Your therapist would be in the best position to know what’s wrong. It’s good that you’re in counseling, but it’s concerning that you feel worse after each session. That should not be the case.
You should continue treatment, but if you’re not improving consider changing therapists. Not all therapists are the same and you might need to change. Keep trying until you find someone who can help you. There are many good therapists, but sometimes it takes time to find the best match. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle