From the Philippines: So, my boyfriend and I have been in a relationship (we’re both gays, by the way and I’m the receiving end) for over a year now, and I think we’re doing quite really well given that we’ve built our connection through trust, honesty and a lot of empathy and communication. So, about four months since we’ve been together as a couple, he confided to me about his fetish for tummies and stuffing. Of course I researched about it, and I know it’s a part of him that will always be there and I’ve come to accept that fact.
We do have sex like normal people no matter what position it may be, and we also do some sessions where I do as he pleases and eat while he does me. I’ve been really open to whatever that he has in mind but the problem is, no matter how many times we’ve tried it, it hasn’t grown into me, and it just doesn’t turn me on like it does him, you know? He gets so near when I ain’t even traveled a quarter of the whole way to the finish line. It just takes me so so so while and sometimes he gets impatient about it; sometimes, I just want him to finish soon and get it over with because it doesn’t make me feel any sexual that much at all.
He said we can just have sex like normal people and try other kinky stuff but I can tell when he really wants to do some fetishy stuff and it makes me sad that I feel like I can’t fulfill this part of him as his boyfriend. We love each other so so so much, and we’re both ready to compromise with each other but like, I don’t know what to do with this particular area of our sex lives. :(
Just as you accept the fact of his fetish, he needs to accept the fact that you aren’t turned on by it. Neither of you is likely to change in this particular area of your lives so it’s a matter of mutual acceptance.
Sex doesn’t have to be 100% mutually satisfying 100% of the time to be “normal.” Caring couples sometimes do what one most wants, sometimes what the other enjoys, sometimes in a way that pleases them both. Often it’s enough of a turn on to get the other turned on. What matters is that your sex life is a way to connect intimately and to enjoy each other.
I wish you well. Dr. Marie
I’m Not Turned on by My Boyfriend’s Fetish
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). I’m Not Turned on by My Boyfriend’s Fetish. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 14, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/04/03/im-not-turned-on-by-my-boyfriends-fetish/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 3 Apr 2016) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.