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My Ex-Boyfriend Keeps Texting My Current Boyfriend Bad Things about Me

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I’ve been with the current bf for 2 years. He started not paying attention to me & neglecting me. We don’t live together. 2 months ago I started texting & chatting with my ex in a non flirtatious way because I needed someone to talk to that knows me & my life situations. My current bf went out of town & kept blatantly choosing things other than me that were hurtful. Ex invited me to a xmas party so I told him I’d go as friends. I got too drunk & the ex fingered me. I didn’t even kiss him. I stopped him before things went to far & had him get me an uber ride home.

A couple weeks later I told him that we can’t talk like we have or see each other because it’s disrespectful to the current bf. Less than an hour after I told him that he messaged my bf & told him that we got together & had sex. I explained the whole truth of the situation & why to my bf. He forgives me.

Now almost a month later the ex won’t stop texting him. He’s blocked every number but he keeps texting pictures & rude comments about me to my current bf & it makes him mad at me all over again even though we’ve gotten over it. This situation has stressed me so much & broken down my immune system so much that I’ve been almost constantly I’ll with flu like symptoms & missed total of almost 2 weeks of work now. No clue how to handle this.

Please help me figure out what to do. How do I stop ex from contacting us? How do I help my bf get through this with out getting newly pissed off again each time? Should I just end the relationship & find someone to start fresh with that won’t think of me as a cheater?
Thank you! :)

My Ex-Boyfriend Keeps Texting My Current Boyfriend Bad Things about Me

Answered by on -

A.

This is something that needs to be handled legally. Your current boyfriend could talk to an attorney about his rights to privacy and how to get a restraining order against the former boyfriend.

But the legal issues aren’t the only ones. There is a marked lack of maturity on both your parts.

Instead of dealing directly with the problems in your current relationship, you turned to your ex. It’s not true that you “stopped him before things went too far.” They already had gone way too far. You involved your ex in your problems with your BF. You went to a party with him. You allowed him to touch you intimately. Getting drunk is no excuse for this behavior.

Your current boyfriend is equally immature. He is hurt and angry. But instead of dealing directly with his problems with your relationship, he is reading the texts and repeatedly rekindling his anger.

If the two of you want to save this relationship, it’s way past time to stop acting like jealous kids. If you can’t talk about the situation lovingly and constructively, then by all means get some help. Otherwise, the relationship will inevitable explode, but not before both of you are terribly hurt in the process.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

My Ex-Boyfriend Keeps Texting My Current Boyfriend Bad Things about Me

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My Ex-Boyfriend Keeps Texting My Current Boyfriend Bad Things about Me. Psych Central. Retrieved on October 23, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/03/26/my-ex-boyfriend-keeps-texting-my-current-boyfriend-bad-things-about-me/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.