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People Dislike Me for No Reason

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From an 18 year old woman in India: From childhood, I’ve always been the kid nobody likes. In kindergarten, kids always formed groups to play without joining me. In primary school, my classmates called me by name which I didn’t understand. They were always rude to me without any reason. I hardly had one or two friends. Even they never invited me into their groups.

I’m in high school now. Even now, my classmates hate me. They regard being friends with me as an embarrassment. Some even avoid talking to me. Sitting next to me is considered a punishment. Even those who talk well with me and are friendly to me don’t invite me to their birthday parties and outings. I doubted if I smelled bad. But, even after I used perfumes, they didn’t seem to change their attitude about me. They laugh at me for reasons I don’t understand. I always feel that everyone is hiding something from me.

I’ve changed many schools from childhood, since my father has a transferrable job. In every new school I joined, the same thing would happen: I would start the year with high hopes that everything would change and in students would talk to me well in this new school. In the beginning, they would. But soon, for no reason, they would start avoiding me, ignoring me, etc.

My mother says even she faces the same issues. She says that it maybe because we are not a native of this place. But, even in my native place (I studied in my native place for 2 years), I got the same treatment. My cousins too never treat me the way they treat one another and laugh at me for no reason.

I don’t think I am rude or self centred. I’m quite friendly and try to mingle with everyone. I do quite well in school (I mean my grades and other activities). I almost never say no when someone asks for help. I just don’t understand what I’m doing wrong that everyone dislikes me so much. It drives me crazy. I visited my school counsellor for help. She’s friendly and I like to talk to her. But, it has been of very little help really. P.S. I am not imagining this.

People Dislike Me for No Reason

Answered by on -

A.

I doubt you are imagining this. It sounds very painful and frustrating.

It’s very difficult to see ourselves as others see us. You might ask your counselor to talk with some of your teachers about their observations of your interactions with others. It may be that you are socially awkward in some way or that you have a way of making others uncomfortable without intending to or realizing it. Some more objective information might give you a clue about what you need to change.

It’s also possible at this point that you are so scared (understandably) of being socially isolated that you are in some way creating the very situation you fear. It is like a discouraged salesman who starts every sale by saying, “I know you don’t want to buy this but …” It sets up a negative dynamic. That’s just another guess. It may not apply to you.

I’m sorry that I can’t offer you more specific help. For that reason, I’m especially glad that you are seeing your school counselor. Do ask her to try to learn more about others’ impressions of you. That might lead to a better understanding of what you need to do to improve the situation.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

People Dislike Me for No Reason

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). People Dislike Me for No Reason. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/03/22/people-dislike-me-for-no-reason/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.