Your experiences, your dreams and your fears are noteworthy. They could indicate sexual abuse, but there may be other explanations.
Not being able to remember sexual abuse is common. One theory is that you don’t remember the abuse because you were not psychologically able to handle the memories. Sexual abuse is traumatic and the unconscious mind has the power to block painful memories.
Alternatively, it is also possible that you were not sexually abused and that’s why you don’t have any memory of abuse.
The bottom line is this: you might never know if you were sexual abused. Even if you had memories of abuse, they are not always verifiable. We know from research that memories are malleable and sometimes unreliable.
Your symptoms are bothersome and should be addressed in counseling. A counselor could help you understand the nature of sexual abuse and how to deal with it, if it did happen. Most importantly, counseling can help you address your fears. It’s unusual to have such a negative response to being touched. Counseling is the ideal place to deal with these issues. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle