You are very correct. Ultimately, the only person who can help you is you. Although I understand your frustration, blaming your mother for enabling you is not fair to her or helpful to you. A person can only enable someone who agrees to be enabled. As you’ve already discovered, waiting for your mother to change in order to change yourself is a losing proposition.
I find myself wondering what you are so afraid of that you aren’t moving into adult life. On the face of it, it looks to me like you need to get a job and get out of the house. Consider finding a cheap place and sharing with a housemate to cut expenses. College may be important eventually, but I worry that it’s become another way to avoid dealing with whatever is blocking you from being on your own.
If options for treatment are limited in your area, there are other ways to get help. Take a look at the following books: The Depression Workbook by Mary Ellen Copeland, The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook by Edmund Bourne and Feeling Good by David Burns. My book, Unlocking the Secrets of Self-Esteem, might also be helpful. All of those books include concrete, practical activities to help you get back on track. Choose one and work on it seriously. Self-help can be very, very helpful — as long as you commit to it.
Do consider joining a support group here at PsychCentral. You will gain from the support and practical advice of other people who are struggling with some of the same issues.
I found it very helpful in my own life when one of my teachers pointed out that “trying” doesn’t count. We either do something or we don’t. Trying, he used to say, is a way assuage our conscience with good intentions while not really doing what we know we need to do. The solution is to set smaller, achievable goals. Do a small goal, then set the next one, then the next one after that. That approach can prevent you from overwhelming yourself by the big picture and will start you on a path of real movement.
Finally, don’t give up on therapists. It sometimes takes interviewing several before finding the therapist who is a good fit.
I wish you well.