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My Girlfriend Is Bottled Up

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From England: My girlfriend never wants to talk about what bothers her, instead she acts like she doesn’t care, and goes into denial. She is afraid of relationships and says to me “what is the point, if sooner or later one of us would die.” She doesn’t open up, what can I do to make her open up?

My Girlfriend Is Bottled Up

Answered by on -


Thanks for your question. The first thing is to ask yourself an important question: Why do you want to be with a woman that is afraid of relationships? Maybe her view is something to acknowledge and accept, rather than change. It is difficult to be in a relationship where the primary effort is to try and change your partner.

That being said, I think if you want to go forward the initial work is setting up an appointment with a couples therapist. He or she could make a more direct assessment of the dynamic between the two of you — and make recommendations from there.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

My Girlfriend Is Bottled Up

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Girlfriend Is Bottled Up. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 20, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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