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Trashy Husband

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My husband has a problem putting his trash in the garbage can. My husband will eat snacks that have wrappers on them and throw the wrappers under the couch, behind the couch, in the book case or on top of the closet where our clean clothes are folded. I have confronted him with this issue for five years now. I ask him why can’t you put your trash where it belongs and he doesn’t give an answer. I don’t understand this behavior for a 43 year old man. He will try to blame it on my daughter whose 14 or my 22 year old son…but I didn’t raise them that way and I know he’s lying which makes me angrier. What makes him do this and then blame others? And lie to my face?

Trashy Husband

Answered by on -


It is hard to know why some behaviors persist with our partners, but the first thing that comes to mind is that your husband is acting more like a child and you are acting more like his mother. Candy wrappers? Hiding them and lying? Blaming it on others? These are the behaviors of a child — not a grown adult.

I recommend couples therapy because I don’t think this has to do with a messy husband. You don’t need to be a mother to a third child in the house, and he doesn’t need his wife telling him to clean up after himself. You can find a qualified couples therapist in your area at the “Find Help” tab at the top of the page or here.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Trashy Husband

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Trashy Husband. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 21, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.