Last night my boyfriend broke up with me over an issue I didn’t think was a big deal. Yesterday my friends and I planned a night out and I made the mistake of not inviting my boyfriend because of this one guy. That guy broke our relationship once and that’s the reason why my boyfriend dislikes him so much. I thought I did the right thing by not telling him about it, but apparently he didn’t think so. He told me that I would have never gone if I knew that guy was coming but the truth is that was the only night I could go out and stay out late so I thought to myself, “Why would I stay at home just because of another guy?” and went for it anyway. While I was on my way to the gathering I got a text from my boyfriend asking me where I am and I sent a message telling him where I was going but apparently the text hadn’t gone and he thinks that I ignored his message because I didn’t want him there. He doesn’t like any of my guy friends. He’s a Muslim boy and I’m not so there’s a lot of cultural clashing in terms of clothing, views etc. My parents do not accept him but I love him with all my heart. I feel numb and I can’t think straight. I don’t know what to do now. Please help me. Please. (From Sri Lanka)
Before we talk about how to repair this, you may want to ask yourself an important question: Do you want this relationship? If you do, then explain to your boyfriend that you didn’t realize how upsetting this would be for him, apologize, and make a commitment to being more transparent with him in the future.
However, the fact that you made this decision and most likely had some inkling that he would not be pleased if he found out might mean you may have some issues about the viability of your relationship with him. This is, of course, speculation on my part, but I find that in instances of this type of oversight is often linked to the stability of the relationship. If this is the case, it may be time for the two of you to have a deeper discussion about the future of the relationship.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Boyfriend of Six Years Broke Up with Me. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 20, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/02/27/my-boyfriend-of-six-years-broke-up-with-me/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 27 Feb 2016) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.