I have been with my loving boyfriend for almost five years. I am completely in love with him, as he is with me. I know I can always count on him and I feel like I hit the jackpot with him having every quality and then some in a lifelong husband.
With that being said, I have had my doubts. I do not get those butterflies anymore, but instead I just feel safe and comfortable and like I know he would never leave me. I am still young clearly but being in this relationship for so long and graduating college now, engagement and the future has been on my mind 24/7. My parents decided to file papers for a divorce last December and are still working towards finalizing everything. Also, I have failed out of nursing school and am trying to get into a new post graduate program.
All my friends seem to have their lives together and feel excited for their future and all I wanna do is lay in bed and cry cause I do not get excited about much anymore. All I ever get excited for is date night and going home. I am a huge home-body and have been my whole life. I guess the what-ifs scare the living day lights out of me and I just want to know that I will be happy with him. I have attributed this to everything you can think of (depression, anxiety, fear of failure, child of divorce, low self-esteem) you name it ive probably diagnosed myself. My boyfriend is literally everything I could ever want and he treats me better than I could have even imagined, so why am I not happy?
Your parent’s divorce has activated your concern. What you’ve witnessed in your family growing up is different now that your parents are finalizing the divorce. It is hard to believe in the power of your love, when the two people who taught you about it are separating. The failure of your parent’s marriage is likely to be influencing your own happiness.
The work for you is to craft your own life using the feedback you get from your relationship and career. Cherish navigating your own life and learn from the lessons observed from your parents and your friends. To help you sort through these influences you may want to consider individual therapy for a brief time. The Find Help tab at the top of the page can help you find someone in your area.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). Why Am I Not Happy?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on September 20, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/02/22/why-am-i-not-happy/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.