Many teenagers struggle with similar problems. People underestimate how difficult it is to be a teenager. You could greatly benefit from counseling to control your impulses. Impulse control is a correctable problem with treatment.
Counseling would be a tremendous help for you in understanding and dealing with the problems of a 14-year-old. Twelve through 18 is a tough time for most normal teenagers. Really tough. We get through it, but it would be much easier with counseling.
You recognize that your behavior is irrational and out-of-control. That is encouraging. People who are open to treatment and who see that it is necessary are the most likely to benefit from it.
Your next steps should be asking your parents for their assistance in seeking mental health treatment. You can also speak to the school guidance counselor about this problem. They can provide you with immediate assistance and refer you to a mental health professional in the community. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle