Thank you very much for writing. You do need help. Although it makes a kind of sense that you want to get even with the people who have hurt you, fantasizing killing people isn’t at all helpful to your state of mind or anyone’s safety. As a matter of fact, research has shown that the more people think about such things, the more the thoughts happen. Instead of thinking about revenge, you need help learning how to get along with others and how to manage it when people aren’t kind.
A place to start is the Boys Town National Hotline (1-800-448-3000). According to their website, the hotline has helped more than 8 million teens, parents and families over the last 20 years. The Hotline is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year and staffed by specially trained Boys Town counselors. There is no charge for talking with them.
I hope you will also ask your parents to help you find a local counselor. You need to learn how to relate to people. That won’t happen if the only contact you have is online because so much of human communication is non-verbal. Talk to your school counselor if you need help identifying local resources for free services for teens.
I wish you well.