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Jealousy/Self Esteem Issues Is Taking Over My Life

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I have been with my current boyfriend for 1 year and 3 months now (my longest/only serious relationship) And since I was the age of 4 or 5 I have always had self esteem issues because of my sister constantly calling me fat and ugly saying that no one will ever love me. Then getting her friends in on it by calling me slut and telling me to go cut myself like the little emo b**ch I am. And being molested at the same time this is happening I am quite sure that this is where started. But I would go on diets and work out. And as I aged my self esteem has gotten much worse. I am aware that I am a okay looking girl. But I have the constant need to be perfect. To look in the mirror and be happy. To be in a room full of the most beautiful women in the world and feel confident. And well the main issue I want to address is that my boyfriend cant be around any girl what so ever without me getting jealous. Whether its his own cousins, someones step mom, long term friends, if they are attractive at all I get extremely jealous and insecure we cant even go out anywhere without me saying “you were staring at her butt weren’t you” “you were looking at her” “you sure were staring mighty hard at her face” “did you enjoy that car ride with her tits hanging out”…You get the point lol. Like its always something that I feel insecure about and I have tried to figure out what I can do, looked up so many things, talked about it with him.I don’t trust him and feel like he wants anything with tits and ass. I snoop all the time on his facebook. I feel like he wants other girls. Hes honest by saying he can find another girl pretty and it does not matter because he does not want them but to me it does matter and I feel like he does want them. I am always making up scenarios and problems. That do not exist. He says he can put up with it because he loves me but I cant. I just cant put up with it anymore its driving me absolutely crazy! (age 18, from US)

Jealousy/Self Esteem Issues Is Taking Over My Life

Answered by on -

A.

A: Your boyfriend may be able to “put up with” this pattern of jealousy and insecurity now, but I can almost guarantee you that, if it continues, he will eventually grow tired and move on. Trust is very important in a relationship and if you don’t have it, it’s hard to move forward and grow as a couple. However, even more importantly, not only are you hurting your relationship, you are just hurting, period. Living this way is not living. 

It is time to face the demons of your past and get some help. You list several ways in which you experienced trauma as a child and you are still carrying the wounds. You were molested, your sister verbally abused you, and you’ve had self-esteem and body image issues since you were very young. These issues are not going to go away on their own. I would suggest that you find a therapist who can help you heal from the past and develop the self-confidence that eludes you. Meanwhile, lean on your boyfriend for support and encouragement, don’t use him as a punching bag.

All the best,

Dr. Holly Counts

Jealousy/Self Esteem Issues Is Taking Over My Life

Holly Counts, Psy.D.

Dr. Holly Counts is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She utilizes a mind, body and spirit approach to healing. Dr. Counts received her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Wright State University and her Masters and Doctoral degrees in Clinical Psychology from Nova Southeastern University. Dr. Counts has worked in a variety of settings and has specialized in trauma and abuse, relationship issues, health psychology, women’s issues, adolescence, GLBT, life transitions and grief counseling. She has specialty training in guided imagery, EMDR, EFT, hypnosis and using intuition to heal. Her current passion involves integrating holistic and alternative approaches to health and healing with psychology.

APA Reference
Counts, H. (2018). Jealousy/Self Esteem Issues Is Taking Over My Life. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 22, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/02/19/jealousyself-esteem-issues-is-taking-over-my-life/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.