im 22 ive been with this issue for a while and i cant seem to permanently shake it. ive had a deep seeded hate and anger with me for the better part of my adulthood. cant tell when this started, only know ive had it for a long time. it drives me, keeps me aware and has pushed me to do better sometimes. though most of the time it shuts me out of life around me and builds back on its self. i know im not the frist nor will i ever be the last.
to answer the common questions: have i ever thought to do harm to others? no-ish, i have wanted, but i have control of myself and know the consequences. have i ever thought to do harm to myself? again no-ish more or less the same answer as above maybe with less words. how does it affect my relationships/family? they notice but, i brush it off with simple denial as not to worry them and push onward because i believe its best course. why do you think you have this thought pattern? i honestly cant say, though i survive for so long its semi-normal. now though its starting to get “heavy” on me so i deemed it prudent to reach out to someone or an organization for guidance. my family has helped some but only in the short-term and this has been to long a road traveled and its driven me to do what i consider my “best” or “average” attempt in the world. whatever outside help i can get will be heartily received (age 22, from US)Hate for Myself and Sometimes Others/Continuous Anger
Hate for Myself and Sometimes Others/Continuous Anger
Thank you for writing in with your question and reaching out for some help. However, this problem is more complicated than what an advice column can offer. I would suggest that you find a local therapist to work with on your anger and self-hatred.
I’m glad that your feelings have not caused you to harm yourself or others, and it seems that you have even identified some benefits to the way you feel, in that it pushes you to “do better,” but overall it sounds like you are fairly miserable. You don’t have to go on living this way. Help is available. If you have health insurance you can get a list of local providers from them. If not, seek out your area’s community mental health center or student counseling center (if you are in college). You took the first step by writing in, now it’s time to take the next one by connecting with a professional.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts