Although some of your behaviors meet the criteria for BPD, I doubt that is the problem. I could be wrong, of course. I have very limited information. But there are other factors that need to be considered as well: As the child of addicted parents, you have a history that may have left you ill-prepared for coping with life. You have also been in the military and served in Iraq. Many vets report similar thoughts and behaviors.
For that reason, I urge you to seek out a therapist who has considerable experience with veterans. It may be that the therapists you’ve been seeing don’t have enough experience with returning soldiers. On the other hand, if they do have that experience, it may be a matter of therapist-client “fit.” It’s not at all unusual for a person to try therapy a number of times before finding a counselor he trusts and can talk to.
That you are thinking about these things and looking for help tells me that you are ready to do some serious therapeutic work. Please don’t give up on finding the right counselor for you. If you haven’t already, contact your local VA for recommendations for therapists and a support group. You could also call the Army’s Wounded Soldier and Family Hotline at 1-800-984 8523 for guidance.
I wish you well.