You might be physically or psychologically addicted to the pills. Opiates, in particular, are highly addictive. That might be why you feel like you can’t stop.
You could’ve died when you took 20 pills all at once. It caused significant damage from which you are still recovering. Fortunately, you’re alive and have the opportunity to ask for help. I strongly urge you to do so.
It’s imperative that you be honest about your drug use, even if it makes you feel bad to do so. If you don’t want to die, then you must ask for help. Yes, it will be difficult. When you mother learns about your drug use, she might be disappointed, but imagine her devastation if you were to die. There would be no opportunities to heal hurt feelings if you were to die.
Utilize the assistance that you have at your disposal. I sincerely hope that you will. Please take care.
Dr. Kristna Randle