My husband suffers from depression which manifests as anger, and he is emotionally/verbally abusive. I am trying to help him work through everything, but his mother is making it harder. When I talk to her about our problems, she says stuff like “Well, he just has a short temper like his father,” or “Well, he wouldn’t ever talk to me that way.” Also, his parents are the main reason for his mental instability. It’s a long story, but he had a very rough childhood because of his parents’ choices. She acts like mom-of-the-year, while I am stuck trying to work through my husband’s and my problems without losing my sanity. How can I make her understand that a) she’s not helping, b) her son really DOES have a problem (beyond his depression), and c) that it’s serious, and not something to brush off? When I talk to her about my husband and my arguments, her first instinct is always to ask, “Should I call him?” No, that won’t help. Why would it? Its frustrating that she passive-aggressively blames me for his/our problems. Its frustrating that she thinks she can help him when I can’t. I’ve been with my husband for 5 years, going on 6 (married for almost 2). She doesn’t see the real side of him. Which brings up another question I’ve been struggling with – Why does he only verbally abuse me, and not his mother or anyone else in his family? Why do I get all of the anger and abuse, when I’m the one trying the hardest to help him and the one with the deepest connection to him? He tells me all the time it’s his mother’s fault for his problems and how she makes things worse, but of course he would never tell her that. So she gets to continue thinking she has nothing to do with his problems because it’s only me who he treats this way. I will also add that we have all been to see a therapist. My husband and I have gone together, but I don’t feel like he’s taking the treatments seriously yet, and his mother and brother went once together. His mother and brother spent their entire session talking about my husband and his problems…not their own problems or how is family has and is contributing to his problems.