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Asked by on with 1 answer:

I catch myself fantasizing about ways to hurt someone who hurt me. Who betrayed me. My cousin slept with my fiance, I trusted my married cousin I thought cousin had more respect. But I was fooled this has been almost 4 yrs ago and I am still angry. Why do I fantasize about this?


Answered by on -


Thanks for your email. Betrayal is one of the core elements we react to as human beings. This is because the first instinct is to learn who we can trust. Once a trust has been ruptured we respond in ways similar to a trauma and do everything we can to avoid getting hurt like that again. Sometimes that strategy includes retaliation — a way to keep the predator from hurting us again. My guess is that the fantasy is coming from this place inside you. The fantasies are natural — of course, what isn’t okay is any plan to actual carry out harm.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral


Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Fantasizing. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 19, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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