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Overprotective Parents when My Age Is already 27

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Hi, I’m 27 from Indonesia and moved to Malaysia since year 2000 with my mom and stepdad (Malaysian). All this while I’ve been very dependent on them due to my Visa problem, which is quite complicated. And they’ve been very worried and scared about my future if I can’t get a stable job here, cause seems like it is quite impossible for me to move back to Indonesia by myself. Due to that it is hard enough for me to get a permanent job here but currently I’m overcoming this problem and this is not the main issue.

The main problem is my parents opinion about my boyfriend, same age as myself. He is a China citizen and been staying here with his mom, owned a small business with 2nd Home visa valid for 10 years. They are okay with me dating him at first, and now we are together for 5 months.

Suddenly mom freaked out last month, and said that I have no future together with him. They said his background is uncertain and could be sent back to China if anything is wrong with his visa, and asked me to find a Malaysian guy instead, or rather have me to be on my own until I can find a better guy that can give benefit to me and my family. They pictured the worse case scenario if I’m married to him, I would be forced to go to China with him and worried that life will be as hard as theirs when they moved back to Malaysia and scared that I can’t cope with it. Mom also threatened me that they are going to deport me back if I don’t break it off with him.

My point is, I feel so happy with my boyfriend, and when he realized about this issue, he is willing to work even harder to earn more money just to make my parents happy. Why can’t I have both him and my career at the same time? Is marrying a Malaysian will guarantee 100% my future is secured?

I don’t know how to talk to my parents cause every time I tried all I get is argument, prejudice and said their judgement is always right. I want to tell them all I want is to be happy and I can bare my own risks but it is just so hard. Please help.

Overprotective Parents when My Age Is already 27

Answered by on -

A.

Thank you for your important question. I think the answer lies in the fact that at 27 it is time for you to take a stand with your parents — it is overdue. You and your boyfriend should explain to your parents together that you are going to be a couple and that the work here is to figure out how everyone can go forward. Be clear. They are welcome to their opinion — but that you are going to live your life.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Overprotective Parents when My Age Is already 27

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Overprotective Parents when My Age Is already 27. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 25, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/01/29/overprotective-parents-when-my-age-is-already-27/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
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