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My Girlfriend’s Weed Dependency Is Destroying Our Relationship

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From a teen in the U.S.: Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a while and recently broke up because she has a lot of trouble controlling her emotions. When we argue she says a lot of hurtful things and then randomly apologizes for it later. Its really confusing because I don’t know what she really means sometimes.

We were fine before she started smoking weed everyday, and now she’s so irrational and just mean. I talked to her about stopping and at first she got mad and said that weed is her best friend, her outlet and me asking her to rip away part of her life was unfair, and then later said that she was sorry and thinks I may be right so she said she’d stop and we got back together.

Today she asked me if she could smoke one more time after her last time was 2 days ago. I’ve asked her to cut back several times before and she would for a bit then go right back to smoking everyday. I was worried that just me telling her to stop wouldn’t help. Today one of my friends tried to help me talk sense into her and explain why I was disappointed in her for asking to go smoke again after she said she was done, and she got so mad she started screaming and hitting my friend before I broke them up.

I just really needed someone there to help me talk to her and because of me my friend got hurt. I don’t know what to do now that my best friend and my girlfriend hate each other and I’m so tired of fighting with her over this. I can’t take much more. I just want us to be happy but she makes me feel like an awful, cruel person for asking her to stop smoking when I see how unstable it makes her.

What should I do when she gets angry and starts saying awful things? I really don’t want to just keep forgiving her. How can I get her to understand that she needs to stop otherwise I don’t even want her near me? how do I handle her hating me for wanting her to choose either me or drugs?

My Girlfriend’s Weed Dependency Is Destroying Our Relationship

Answered by on -

A.

I’m very sorry this relationship has become so disappointing. I think you already know what I’m going to say: Your girlfriend is more committed to her relationship with weed than she is to her relationship with you. Clearly, she is one of the people who can’t handle marijuana and who needs more than good intentions to quit for more than a minute. If she were serious about quitting, she would get herself into counseling or a support group or an addiction program. Instead, she is using emotional blackmail to continue having you in her life while she continues to smoke.

She may say she hates you if you leave her. But leaving her may be exactly what she needs to “get it”. Many people with addictions need to do what’s called “hitting bottom” to wake up to the cost of addiction. Sadly, there are people who need to lose the love and support of people who love them before they are willing to admit they need help. If she is like that, it is doing her no favors for you to keep going back for more heartache.

I think you should lovingly tell her that you can’t be in a relationship with both her and weed. Let her know how much you care and how much you wish it were different. If it’s true, tell her you would be willing to try again after she’s been quit of weed for 6 months but no sooner.

If she says she loves you but can’t do that, she is in serious denial about the hold that weed now has on her. In that case, I hope you will take a big step back from the relationship and make yourself available to other people. You deserve to be the first in someone’s life — not playing second fiddle to weed.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

My Girlfriend’s Weed Dependency Is Destroying Our Relationship

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My Girlfriend’s Weed Dependency Is Destroying Our Relationship. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 21, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/01/15/my-girlfriends-weed-dependency-is-destroying-our-relationship/
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.