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My Life Feels like It Has Been Messed Up Since the Beginning

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From a teen guy in the U.S.: I have had what one would call a rough life. Recently my step-dad and mom have been fighting and it’s becoming almost everyday. And I am scared about what’s going to happen. I’ve already ended up being abused in my step-grandmother’s house. Then was stuck in a hallway and slept in a sleeping bag where I would go to school smelling like mildew and ammonia. I have been picked on a lot.

And I have a girlfriend now. She has anxiety disorder, and I talk to her a lot for advice, but I try not to recently because it’s just way to much. She will find it annoying sooner or later. She does go to therapy and she tells me all the time that I should consider it. But I really can’t go, like it’s expensive, and my family would never let me go. They wouldn’t understand. If anything they would get angry.

What I’m really asking for is advice… How do I get rid of the ever wrenching feeling of emptiness out of my chest? How do I stop myself from purposely doing things that are bad such as deleting whole YouTube accounts, and tearing favorite books? I just…. I really don’t know what to do. Aside from my girlfriend telling me I need help and that I have severe SAD. What am i suppose to do….?

Should I just embrace it, let it just consume me? I’ve thought about it, and, boy, does it sound inviting. To just give up, to let the human part of me die. To stop being who I am. Because some reason….. I think so…. how can I put this?; 3rd person like. I think more from a 3rd person perspective. And it really has affected me. And I can’t help it. Now most likely no one will find this or no one even begins to comprehend what is wrong with me. Maybe theres nothing wrong with me. Who knows…….?

My Life Feels like It Has Been Messed Up Since the Beginning

Answered by on -


Please listen to your girlfriend. She cares about you. She cares enough to give you really good advice. You need a therapist to help you come to terms with your past and to take charge of your present and future.

Many communities have programs for teens who need treatment but can’t afford it. Please talk to your school guidance counselor about resources that are available. If free therapy isn’t offered locally, consider joining a support group either here at PsychCentral or in your town. Sometimes churches offer guidance through youth groups and individual conversations. There are also excellent books that can help you sort out your feelings. Explore your local bookstore. This article might give you some ideas as well:

Your situation is not unique. Many, many people do not get the family they wish they had. But family is not just about blood relationships. We can each create real “family” with good friends we take into our hearts. Those connections are just as real, just as precious and just as loyal as those that some people are fortunate enough to be born to. I hope you will start embracing other people to make yourself a strong and loving support system that will last a lifetime.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

My Life Feels like It Has Been Messed Up Since the Beginning

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). My Life Feels like It Has Been Messed Up Since the Beginning. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 25, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 14 Jan 2016)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.