Your reactions to the situations you have described are unusual. I’m wondering if you’re misinterpreting these situations or your symptoms. Because you contemplate suicide and have a desire to hurt others, you should be evaluated by a mental health professional.
A mental health evaluation could provide an objective assessment of what might be wrong. It would also determine the best treatment to address your symptoms.
The right medication could help but it seems as though you have yet to find a medicine that works for you. Keep trying. It can take a while to find the right medication but, once you do, it could eliminate these symptoms from your life.
Medication could help, but don’t overlook counseling. Counseling directly deals with the emotional aspects of psychological problems. Counseling could help to better define your problems and to help you better understand your feelings.
You are aware that your reactions are inappropriate but what’s less clear is how well you are able to control your behavior. If you feel as though you might hurt yourself or someone else, it’s imperative to call for emergency assistance. In the meantime, begin counseling. It might be the missing element in your treatment. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle