I’m worried about the black and whiteness of your thinking. In other words, your thinking in extremes. In your mind, the only way to deal with this problem is to leave your home or to commit suicide. You’re upset and frustrated. Anyone who felt that those were their only two options would feel equally frustrated and upset.
It is important to refrain from thinking in extremes. You don’t have to leave your home nor commit suicide. There are other options. Try to remain logical and rational.
You have an urge but you have not done anything wrong. Urges are thoughts only. They are not behaviors or actions. Thinking about robbing a bank is not good, but it is not the same as robbing a bank. From what you have written, you have not acted on your urges. Urges can be controlled.
You’re not the first person who’s been attracted to his or her family member. It happens in many cultures but it is generally considered taboo. Brothers and sisters are not supposed to mate.
Your sister suggested visiting a doctor. Perhaps she knows of someone who could help. The doctor might be able to help you.
I would recommend consulting a mental health professional. Counseling could help you redirect your sexual interests. You might be attracted to your sister, but that doesn’t mean you have to act on your behavior. If that’s a struggle, it’s especially important to seek counseling to control your behavior.
Finally, try not to be so hard on yourself. You discovered that you might have a problem and now you’re asking for help. You’re doing the right thing. The first step in changing behavior is becoming aware that it is a problem. You have completed step one. By my estimation, you’re on the right track. Your next step should involve counseling to help you understand your feelings. I wish you the best of luck. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle