It has been more than a year now , I feel alone, depressed, don’t feel like talking to anyone, just like to be alone. Also have been too much emotional these days. I don’t have any girl friend or even a person who cares for me , except my mother, in my entire life. This all has started because I cant see my mother not getting respect from my father after staying with him for almost 30 years. I feel this so much , but I am not able to speak on this with either of them. I just keep on crying from inside. I cry while sleeping thinking of all this. This is affecting my behavior and I am no more a social person. I have lost all my friends. Even in office I just talk work. Some of my close friends say that I inspire them with the way I work, but when I come back home I just see all those things which I have seen over the years which makes me to forget the kind of person I am or I was to be. I have never got love. Because of all this my self esteem is gone way low. I am confident when it is work, but when colleagues go for tea break or lunch together I am uncomfortable to go with them as I don’t know or I am not confident on my behavior. I don’t sleep well, I stay awake late nights, get up late in morning. I have lost weight not eating much. Also about my past , I am not been able to do much friendship in school and college as well. Even in my family I have always been kept aside for all important things, they just think that I cant do it just because I don’t speak much. I am fed up of all these, these days and I am seeking for an advice or help. It would be glad if someone can talk to me or can help me to find way out of this. Thanks in advance !! (age 26,from India)
Thank you for writing in with your question. It can be very difficult watching people you love being mistreated and feeling that there’s nothing you can do about it. I’m sorry that this is the case for you. However, you are an adult now and it is time for you to begin living your own life.
It sounds like you are a hard worker and have had success in your career, perhaps you can draw upon these skills and talents to help you expand your life in other ways. You can improve your social skills and begin to form meaningful relationships outside of your family. The only way to build confidence is to practice. The only way to feel comfortable around people is to be around them.
It may be helpful to start small. Go to lunch with only one or two coworkers at a time, or make sure to walk out of work at the same time someone else does and strike up a conversation while you walk. Sometimes it helps to make friends in new situations so there is no pressure, such as a coffee shop or by taking a class pertaining to a hobby or interest. You could also benefit from speaking with a therapist or counselor because it sounds like your concerns may have led to some depression.
As sad as it is, you cannot fix your parents’ relationship, but you can learn from theirs in order to have a healthy one yourself. And, you can show your mother respect by having a full and happy life and giving her a safe, happy place to spend time once you have your own home and family. Rather than spending your time worrying about her, spend it making her proud of you.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts
Depressed and Feel I Am Not for this World
Holly Counts, Psy.D.
Dr. Holly Counts is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She utilizes a mind, body and spirit approach to healing. Dr. Counts received her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Wright State University and her Masters and Doctoral degrees in Clinical Psychology from Nova Southeastern University. Dr. Counts has worked in a variety of settings and has specialized in trauma and abuse, relationship issues, health psychology, women’s issues, adolescence, GLBT, life transitions and grief counseling. She has specialty training in guided imagery, EMDR, EFT, hypnosis and using intuition to heal. Her current passion involves integrating holistic and alternative approaches to health and healing with psychology.
APA Reference Counts, H. (2018). Depressed and Feel I Am Not for this World. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 18, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2016/01/12/depressed-and-feel-i-am-not-for-this-world/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 12 Jan 2016) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.