I’m sorry that you are going through so much. How very stressful! I’m also sorry that it seems like your father has abandoned you and your mother. On one hand, their marital and financial problems are not yours to worry about, but on the other, I understand that in a situation like what you are describing, it does affect your life.
Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do about the choices your parents are making. I would suggest that you continue focusing on your schooling, and if time allows, look into getting a part-time job. I also suggest that instead of waiting for your father to contact you, you should take matters into your own hands and reach out to him. Let him know how stressful things have become and that you are concerned about your mother. However, if this is a pattern of his, you also need to realize that you may not get any response or at least not the one you would hope for.
Finally, I recommend finding a local therapist. Perhaps there is a counselor at your school and that would be a good place to start. A therapist can help you deal with all the stressors in your life, but also, help you work through your transgender issues and decide how and when to speak to your mother about it.
If you ever seriously contemplate suicide, please get help immediately. You have the rest of your life to look forward to. Even though things are difficult now, they will get better and you will have many opportunities ahead of you. Give yourself the chance to see how good life can become.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts