For 5 months now, my father has left me and my mother in search for “work” in the Philippines, since he was released from his job in Australia in 2013. Currently, my father rarely contacts us, either through phone or email. He even KNOWS my email and house number. Yet, he never seems to call at all, or seems the least bit concerned. This isn’t the first time my father has done this. He’s done it multiple times throughout my life, but this time, it really seems like he’s not going to return. In fact, I believe that my father planned everything before escaping back to his home country instead of “searching for work” there.
Me and mother are left here in Thailand, with no income for over 2 years now. We’re running out of money soon, and we’re not even sure if the money left from my mother’s life’s savings would be enough to finish my High School education. My mother has turned herself into a very miserable person because of this. She budgets everything to make sure I get to finish my education, which I really appreciate. Although her act is good, she really is miserable. She doesn’t go out of the house unless if its for groceries, and doesn’t talk to anyone else, even her family (her family has unreasonable hatred towards her). I can understand why she’s getting depressed, but every time I try encourage her, she just pushes me away and says “easy for you to say!”.
I really try to understand my mother because of the situation, but I have feelings too. She always claims that my feelings are nothing compared to hers. It has gone so bad that even I think I’m getting depression. When I go to school, I get to relieve my misery, but I become supremely reluctant to come home, since I know I will feel depressed around her. She gets really angry at me making the simplest mistakes too, which really hurts me. She even threatens to send me to live with my father in the Philippines, but honestly, I will kill myself if that happens. Plus, due to all the hurtful things my mother says to me, it has even given me suicidal thoughts. Unfortunately, she doesn’t know I’m transgender (MtF) either… What should do…? All this emotional pain in my life is killing me day by day… (age 16, from Thailand)Miserable Life and Gender Issues
Miserable Life and Gender Issues
I’m sorry that you are going through so much. How very stressful! I’m also sorry that it seems like your father has abandoned you and your mother. On one hand, their marital and financial problems are not yours to worry about, but on the other, I understand that in a situation like what you are describing, it does affect your life.
Unfortunately, there’s not much you can do about the choices your parents are making. I would suggest that you continue focusing on your schooling, and if time allows, look into getting a part-time job. I also suggest that instead of waiting for your father to contact you, you should take matters into your own hands and reach out to him. Let him know how stressful things have become and that you are concerned about your mother. However, if this is a pattern of his, you also need to realize that you may not get any response or at least not the one you would hope for.
Finally, I recommend finding a local therapist. Perhaps there is a counselor at your school and that would be a good place to start. A therapist can help you deal with all the stressors in your life, but also, help you work through your transgender issues and decide how and when to speak to your mother about it.
If you ever seriously contemplate suicide, please get help immediately. You have the rest of your life to look forward to. Even though things are difficult now, they will get better and you will have many opportunities ahead of you. Give yourself the chance to see how good life can become.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts