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Recurring Thoughts for a Girl

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Good Evening, In my university days, I met a batch fellow (girl) for whom my heart gained warm feelings of care and attraction. I remained unable to control them. I tried to avoid any interaction with her due to my religious beliefs. The thoughts of her, even sometimes dirty ones, remained during my entire graduation. Later after completion of my graduation degree, when I was to decide for my life partner i.e. marriage, I made her an e-mail regarding it. I proposed for the marriage but she turned it down for being already committed to someone else. Since then I am having strong emotions for her. I don’t want to have those thoughts as they are problematic in my daily life activities.

Please comment on the psychology of my issue i.e. why these thoughts are happening? Do the strong feelings represent any presence of love or lust? and what is to be done to control upon my thoughts? I appreciate your work! Highly obliged. Thank you. (age 24, from Pakistan)

Recurring Thoughts for a Girl

Answered by on -


I mean no offense, but I can understand why she turned down your marriage proposal if you had not spoken to her about your feelings while you were in college together, going as far as to avoid her, then a few years later you propose through an email. I know our American culture is quite different from yours, but that’s not how anyone hopes to receive a marriage proposal.

I’m not sure whether you are truly in love with her, or only infatuated. Sometimes when we want something (or someone) and know that we can’t get what we want, it only makes us want it even more. This may be why you can’t get her off your mind now. The good news is that time will diminish your feelings and you will eventually move on to fall in love with someone else and hopefully that person will return your feelings. Next time around, learn from your mistake and speak up about your feelings when you are having them, rather than when it is too late.

All the best,

Dr. Holly Counts

Recurring Thoughts for a Girl

Holly Counts, Psy.D.

Dr. Holly Counts is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She utilizes a mind, body and spirit approach to healing. Dr. Counts received her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Wright State University and her Masters and Doctoral degrees in Clinical Psychology from Nova Southeastern University. Dr. Counts has worked in a variety of settings and has specialized in trauma and abuse, relationship issues, health psychology, women’s issues, adolescence, GLBT, life transitions and grief counseling. She has specialty training in guided imagery, EMDR, EFT, hypnosis and using intuition to heal. Her current passion involves integrating holistic and alternative approaches to health and healing with psychology.

APA Reference
Counts, H. (2018). Recurring Thoughts for a Girl. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 22, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.