Obviously, his maintaining dating profiles on the Internet is problematic, but you seem to be overlooking potentially major red flags about his mental health. His symptoms may indicate psychosis. Psychosis is a break with reality and it is associated with several serious mental health disorders including schizophrenia.
It will be difficult for him to function in a relationship if he is psychotic. Untreated psychosis tends to become worse over time. Some people require hospitalization. Until his symptoms are under control and he is consistently participating in treatment for at least one year, you should postpone your marriage plans. Once it is clear that his mental health is stable and he is willingly participating in treatment, then you might want to revisit your marriage plans. Until then, I would advise against it.
Marriage is a major life decision with implications for the rest of your life. You should consider counseling to discuss these issues in more depth. Given your minimization of his mental health symptoms, my concern is that you have not given much thought to how his possible mental health condition could affect your life as a couple.
Have you considered the following questions regarding his mental health: What if his symptoms worsen? How will you handle erratic behavior? What if he doesn’t participate in treatment? What if he doesn’t think he’s ill despite his symptoms and refuses treatment? What if the “voice” tells him that you’re secretly trying to harm him and that he should preemptively attack you to defend himself? Those are only several questions to consider. Assuredly, there are many more.
If your fiancé does have a serious mental illness, it will greatly affect your life and relationship. You need to be fully informed about his illness and how it could impact your life together and the lives of your children, should you decide to start a family. Most importantly, there needs to be a clear plan for how his illness will be managed. Many people with serious mental illnesses have successful relationships but without treatment, that might not have been possible. Premarital counseling would be a very wise decision. Books and online support groups are also good sources of information. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle