From a 13 year old in the U.S.: Hi, I don’t know if I’m too young for this, but I’ve always had trouble determining what I truly believe in. Almost all of my actions, thoughts, and beliefs conflict with one another. Sometimes talking to people is easy while other times it’s impossible. Sometimes I’m unbelievably emotional while other times I just can’t seem to understand people. I always considered this normal and human, especially for someone my age, but it’s gotten to the point where I honestly can’t tell the difference between what I really believe in and what I think I do.
In general, I’m often unsure of myself and don’t know how to interpret something, mostly my own thoughts. For example, I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever developed a crush with anyone since I really don’t know what that would feel like. This mainly becomes an issue when my morals change drastically, switching between a very normal view-point and something completely different from the usual.
I don’t know how to say it, but there are times when I just don’t understand myself. It’s like I’m a different person. I’m constantly changing beliefs, moods, and personalities to the point where I don’t know what I really am like. I’m good at hiding it, however, so no one ever believes me or takes me seriously. I can’t even take a simple personality quiz without sitting there thinking about what I really am.
I’ve always heard that it’s normal for teenagers to be questioning themselves, but I’m the only kid I know that downright questions their personality. It’s not too much of an issue now, but what if this continues when I grow older? I’m just tired of constantly questioning myself.
I’ve wondered what would happen if I died, but more on a philosophical view. I’ve never actually considered it, and I’ve never experienced any major trauma in my life. I have a habit of repeatedly washing my hands and preferring to have things organized, but sometimes I don’t care. I also find myself being very sensitive to textures. For example, if I see a sharp or rough surface, even if it’s in a picture, I want to touch it. Once again, there are days when this doesn’t happen at all.
What should I do? Is this normal? How can I tell my parents and friends so they take me seriously?