Because of their past history my boyfriend doesn’t want me to be friends with her. My boyfriend and I got back together the first of March after being apart for 5 years. I moved in with him May 1st completely. I visited my daughter for a week each time in May and June. June 11th I was introduced to one of his female friends, at that time I asked him if he had slept with her, or a co-worker, he said no. I left it at that. I have only been in Wa. a few months and did not have any friends at all, so this friend of his and I started hanging out, going shopping, garage sales, things like that. We have become very good friends, and she had not been communicating with him much at all. I would only go do things with her during his work hours, so I would not loss any time with him. In the past month or so he has become very angry that I hang out with her, we got into a couple big fights about her. A lot has to do with her lifestyle being sketchy, to say the least. At first I couldn’t go to her house or her mothers house. Then it escalated to he did not want me to see her at all. I got really angry and said to him you cant tell me who I can or can not be friends with. Ended up in a huge fight, I decided that my love for him is more important then her friendship. I told him I would not see her again. I text her and explained to her that I wasn’t going to be her friend anymore. In retaliation she sent me a text about the 2 of them sleeping together, along with a text he had sent to her. I instantly got angry and confronted him about his lying to me. He said it was before we got back together, I accepted his answer once again. The next day I read the texts on her phone and was shocked he slept with her just before I moved here and when I left in May, and tried in June. She is the only person I have to communicate with besides my boyfriend and dont want to loss her, but he gets so angry when she is brought up. I don’t know what to do I am torn, should I hide her or not?
Thanks for sending in your email. It may be time to step back from this situation and ask yourself what is important to you. First and foremost you have a boyfriend who has consistently lied to you — and tried to control you. Secondly, you have a girlfriend who didn’t reveal her relationship history until it was used to hurt you.
Are these the kind of people you want in your life?
The first thing you want to ask yourself is if your boyfriend is worth all the trouble he caused by not telling you the truth in the first place. If you do, then it is time for couples counseling. This kind of thing tends not to get better over time on its own. Some professional help will be needed.
If you don’t think he is worth the investment then cut your losses and move on.
Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: http://www.dare2behappy.com/. He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.
APA Reference Tomasulo, D. (2018). My Boyfriend Hates My Girlfriend. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 18, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/12/20/my-boyfriend-hates-my-girlfriend/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 20 Dec 2015) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.