Sexual Issue

Asked by on with 1 answer:

From Venezuela: Hi, I want to thank you in advance for your help.

I am a 25 year old girl, I have been in relationship with a 29 year old man who I love very much for 3 years, we are very happy together, the problem is we do not have sex anymore.

At the beginning of the relationship we had amazing sex, everything was perfect, its been about a year since our sex life died, at first he had trouble keeping an erection for more than a minute, and when he finally did he ejaculated pretty fast.

I did not know how to handle this situation, and I started to feel pretty insecure, with time I began to feel really depressed, because he would just avoid any type of sexual contact , he was affectionate, just not in a sexual way, my insecurities where not helping either, we went to a urologist who recommended cialis and ran some test on him, the thing is he never went to look for the test results because he told me he was sure it was not a physical issue, at that point we separated for about 5 months because he did nothing to solve the issue, and didnt want to go to therapy.

But the truth is I am really in love with this person, and I believe he loves me too, so we came back together about a year ago. We had sex during those first months, and it was amazing, it still was not as usual as I would’ve liked but it was something so I was happy and I thought the problem was solved.

Now be are back at the same point, its been about 5 months and he never initiates anything, not even to pleasure me or to do something fun even if it doesn’t involve penetration, and the situation just feels so awkward now. I asked him to go to therapy a month ago, and he agreed, but the reality is he shows no interest in getting this problem fixed, he has not gone to therapy yet, Do I have to make the appointment? I mean there is no taking action on his side, he tells me he loves me and seems concerned, but does not take action.

I have even thought that maybe he is questioning his sexual orientation, I just don’t know how to handle this.

Sexual Issue

Answered by on -


Your boyfriend doesn’t want to deal with his issue — and he has been clear about it. He is refusing to look at it as being physical and doesn’t want psychotherapy. He was willing to separate from you before because he wasn’t willing to do anything and doesn’t try to compensate. He doesn’t seem interested one bit in your needs when it comes to sex.

You have tried and his response has been consistently clear. He doesn’t care enough about the relationship or his condition to make an effort to change. This doesn’t sound like a relationship that has a strong enough foundation to build on. It sounds like the best times are behind you.

It may be time for you to move on.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Sexual Issue

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Sexual Issue. Psych Central. Retrieved on November 23, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 17 Dec 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.