If everyone has forgiven you, then you must forgive yourself. Children are not held responsible for their actions because they are underdeveloped, immature and lack a sense of responsibility. That incident happened when you were 12 years old. You were only a child.
I’m curious about whether or not your parents sought psychological help for you after the incident. If not, they should have. Whatever motivated you to lie about sexual abuse should have been explored in counseling. Perhaps that’s why you continue to struggle, because you have yet to address this in counseling. The fact that you tried counseling but did not reveal key information to your therapist would also suggest that this problem has yet to be effectively addressed.
My recommendation is counseling. It’s imperative that you are as forthcoming as possible with your therapist. The more information you provide to your therapist, the more he or she can help. Counseling will not be effective if you hide the truth.
Another option to consider is family therapy. Your father continues to struggle with what happened so perhaps family therapy would help. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle