From a teenage girl in Indonesia: first i apologize for my english since english is my third language , i have problem with my temper and i grew up with a bad tempered father, i easily snapped when something really irritated me i remember i yell to my four years old brother when he flip my laptop screen ,
and yesterday i snapped again , but the problem was really humiliating , a bunch of boys cornered me in front of a lots of people and they dance circling me as if mocked me , i have no idea who they are or what they want , i try to avoid them but when i came back to my class i meet them again , i try to kick one of them but i end up as a joke a fuckin’ joke on the ground , i fell ,its funny right?! i can’t hold my tears and my fear and my anger , it was scary to the point i went rampaging and i kick my chair and flip my table and walk straight back home without reporting to school staff with tears ,
i dont know the hell is wrong with me even since the first grade in elementary school i never ‘really’ getting touched with all of my class mate , and no matter how good we are to each other no matter how i help or they willing to help me the stamp of the one who left behind or picked last to study group always on my forehead they likes me but people also think i’m weird (ok maybe i’m since i have obsession when it comes to fotograph ad old hollywood or drawing and i can stop walking in the middle of traffic when i see a beautiful post lamp or take a picture of a goddamn plastic) ,
the fear of being laughed at , mocked and rejected its almost unbearable sometimes. today i decide to take a break from school for one day since i feel uncomfortable if i meet my classmate now , is my decision right? what should i do to overcome my antiexy? what should i do to held my temper back? i dont want to be a failure and a black sheep in my family! i dont want to disappoint my grandfather and my aunt since they always support my study.Temperament Problem
This is complicated. I’m concerned you may have confused several important but different issues.
First: Your temper: You said that you grew up with a bad-tempered father. Since he was not able to control his own temper, it is likely that he could not teach you constructive ways to deal with anger and disappointment. You have copied his methods. Those methods don’t solve problems. In fact, they make problems with other people.
Second: You were being bullied by the people who circled you. Anyone would be frightened in that situation. You should not have to deal with being picked on and picked last. Rampaging got the group to back off but did not solve the problem. You need to talk with your aunt and grandfather about the problems in school. I hope they will talk with the school administration about protecting you from the bullies.
Third: I don’t think you are weird. I do think you have an artist’s eye. That is not something to be ashamed of. Your obsession with drawings and how things look is common among artists and photographers. I hope you will explore ways to express your creative spirit.
I wish you well.