The most important thing he can do is see a local professional for advice. Some people are able to confine their anxieties to a certain place or certain situations. They manage their worries by eliminating what’s worrying them. That is called “compartmentalization.” That technique works well when the fear is focused on something specific and rare. For instance, if a person is afraid of blue parakeets, he can avoid being around blue parakeets. It’s harder to compartmentalize when the fears extend over many issues in many places — as is the case with your boyfriend. A local professional can help determine whether your boyfriend is able to compartmentalize his OCD to his current location. If not, he needs to understand that he can’t manage the problem by hiding in his room and avoiding life. Instead, he needs treatment to help him learn skills for managing his fears so he can manage his life.
What concerns me most is that you indicate that he isn’t willing to engage in his treatment. The OCD is clearly interfering with his life and relationships in significant ways. It is not likely to go away without treatment.
If he won’t take his treatment seriously, you have a difficult decision to make. Are you willing to spend your life with someone who becomes increasingly isolated and unemployable? I hope the two of you will have a very serious discussion about this.
I wish you well.