I’m sorry that you are both going through this very difficult situation. The pain is real and the only way to heal and move on is to take responsibility, feel the pain and allow yourself to grieve. It sounds like you have started this process and are getting yourself back on track. That’s great, and I hope that you continue. As you have discovered, numbing your pain with alcohol and other addictive activities does nothing to help you heal, it only prolongs (and usually worsens) the problem.
I mean no offense, but the pain your girlfriend is feeling may be even more severe and complicated than your own because it was her body that went through the trauma. When you speak to her, always come from a place of compassion and concern. I would suggest that you both see a grief counselor regarding what happened. f your girlfriend is hesitant or doesn’t seem interested, it may be helpful for you to take the lead then ask her to join you. However, you must also respect her decision if she doesn’t seek help.
Things will get better with time, but there may always be a scar. Let this experience be something to learn and grow from. Give yourselves time and keep reaching out for help.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts