From India: I am dentist doing my internship. My family had a arrange marriage proposal for my elder sister who is lecturer in a dental college.The boy was doctor 10 months course left.Initially after first meeting boy agreed for marriage. Then after a week that family invited us for lunch & told that our boy has not agreed for marriage yet. He will tell later. We were shocked but din’t tell any thing & came back.
After 2 weeks that boy started chatting in whatsapp with my elder sister.He told that he is ready for marriage but wants to marry after 10 months.We were agree for marriage. Then suddenly after 10 days of chatting he told that he has not decided yet for marriage. He is confused How to take decision about marriage.
We were again shocked. This time my sister told him that U decide once,than tell us, don’t change your decision again & again. He came to meet my sister & told that he is ready for marriage but marriage will be after 15 months.That boy told to my sister that he had a affair with a dentist girl of more than 3 years duration & still he is having her photos in his cellphone.He with his friend lives in a home in delhi on rent where Only 3 Women live. He is having very good friendship with one female who is of same age. That girl fights with him in a funny way telling that U bring girls to home for one night-stand.
My sister did not share this with my parents. My Father had a meeting with their family & told that we want marriage within 6 months as the family was not reliable.That family Din’t get agree for this.& after little argument my father broke off this relationship. but we were sad about what happened.This time my sister shared all the things mentioned above.
My father feels that he did right. But my sister feels that he did wrong;That boy was good, She liked him, What he was telling is not a big issue, all these things are common before marriage, That boy was agree for marriage but my father broke off this in his anger,My father did wrong.That family is again contacting us. Please advice Should we Proceed or search any other boy?
Your sister is fortunate to have such a caring brother. I’m sure she appreciates your support.
It does sound to me like the young man is not sure he is ready for marriage. He may be a good match for your sister in many ways, but his behavior suggests that he isn’t ready to make a commitment to her. He may still be recovering from the 3-year relationship. He may need more time and experience with women before he can commit to marriage.
Your sister is correct. This behavior is often common for young single men who are still deciding whether they are ready to commit to someone. But that doesn’t mean that your family should insist that he and your sister marry any time soon. If he is pushed into marriage before he is ready, it probably will not be a harmonious marriage.
I suggest you all slow way down. If you sister likes him, perhaps she can see if he is willing to get to know her — without the pressure of a predetermined marriage.
I wish you all well. Dr. Marie
Arranged Marriage Proposal
Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker
Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.
APA Reference Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). Arranged Marriage Proposal. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 20, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/12/03/arranged-marriage-proposal/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 3 Dec 2015) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.