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Book to Read for Coping with OCPD Partner

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I’ve been seeing a psychologist for something else and they feel that my husband has Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. He’s financially very frugal, very rigid, thinks he’s right all the time and everyone else is wrong, isn’t social and very judgmental about others, corrects how I do things and is quick to anger. Unfortunately the only services available for someone in my situation is individual counseling charged at household income rates (even though I would attend on my own, he wouldn’t go) which requires large amounts of time off work (middle of the day appointments adding another 2 hours travel to an already 2.5 hour daily round commute or travel over several forms of transport) and no education or support groups or rebuilding after separation groups. I also wasn’t believed when I did go (I’ve tried 5 counselors over 3 accredited orgs) and advised I either needed 5 years of weekly apps, improve my communication (I use I language, feelings, facts, what I’d like to see happen and neutral language) or to discuss time out (my partner gets angry if I gently open up a discussion about how we can have more fun together) I also have no close enough friends to help me leave. And housing near good public transport is very expensive so it takes time to find.

So far from my reading I’ve gleaned don’t ask what it is if he seems agitated, don’t rush in to help, move away if I feel uncomfortable, don’t give up things for him, don’t ask him to anything (he always says no) insist on sticking to my choices i.e. skim milk coffee.
Hence I’m wondering if you could recommend a good book for me to read that is strategy based (rather than wanting to focus on childhood) and also goes into how to leave as safely as possible. (From Australia)

Book to Read for Coping with OCPD Partner

Answered by on -


I’m not sure that a book is what you need. I think at this point you may want to connect with the local woman’s center and try to arrange for support from them. It sounds like you’ve exhausted the other professional organizations in your area and the kind of support you need may be available through a different means. Nowhere did I read you mention love — and it sounds like the woman’s center may be able to give you the support you need to take the next step.

Wishing you patience and peace,
Dr. Dan
Proof Positive Blog @ PsychCentral

Book to Read for Coping with OCPD Partner

Therapists live, online right now, from BetterHelp:

Daniel J. Tomasulo, PhD, TEP, MFA, MAPP

Dan Tomasulo Ph.D., TEP, MFA, MAPP teaches Positive Psychology in the graduate program of Counseling and Clinical Psychology at Columbia University, Teachers College and works with Martin Seligman, the Father of Positive Psychology in the Masters of Applied Positive Psychology (MAPP) program at the University of Pennsylvania. He is Director of the New York Certification in Positive Psychology for the Open Center in New York City and on faculty at New Jersey City University. Sharecare has honored him as one of the top 10 online influencers on the topic of depression. For more information go to: He also writes for Psych Central's Ask the Therapist column and the Proof Positive blog.

APA Reference
Tomasulo, D. (2018). Book to Read for Coping with OCPD Partner. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 2, 2020, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 29 Nov 2015)
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.