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I’m Afraid of Having Sex with Men

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From Canada: I’m bisexual, and although I’m attracted to both women and men I’m completely terrified of having penetrative sex with men. I think that this problem stems from my childhood sexual abuse, but I can’t be sure. Is there any way I can overcome this problem? I don’t want to exclude myself to just dating women due to my fear of sex with men.

I’m Afraid of Having Sex with Men

Answered by on -


I’m very glad you wrote. Healthy choice of sexual partners should not grounded in fear. The simple answer is “yes”, you can overcome your fears. However, it does take some work that you probably can’t do on your own.

I encourage you to find a therapist who specializes in working with people with a history of childhood sexual abuse. Therapy can give you the support and practical help you need to confront and resolve your fears so your romantic choices are, in fact, a choice.

I wish you well.
Dr. Marie

I’m Afraid of Having Sex with Men

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker

Dr. Marie is licensed as both a psychologist and marriage and family counselor. She specializes in couples and family therapy and parent education. Follow her on Facebook or Twitter.

APA Reference
Hartwell-Walker, D. (2018). I’m Afraid of Having Sex with Men. Psych Central. Retrieved on May 19, 2019, from
Scientifically Reviewed
Last updated: 8 May 2018
Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018
Published on Psych All rights reserved.