I know it’s not right of me to have read his text messages, but I knew something was up by his look. Well my boyfriend sent a really hateful message to his friend about me. It said some really horrible things about the fact that I have kids, it was colorful to say the least.I only read the texts to see if he had made up his mind about an issue he is having. He told me a few times he was going to leave, but then acts like nothing is wrong, even makes plans to visit my family with me. He still always wants sex with me, which makes me fell used. He told me that he looks down on people like me and thinks we are weak. People like me being people who have family and embraces emotions. I just don’t know what to do. I love him, loved him more before he started all this. I want him to leave but when I say go, and that I am not keeping him here. He acts like he has no choice. He says I am his obligation, and that most of our relationship is nothing but what he has to do. I am always walking on eggshells around him, its seems like everything I do and do’t do make him so angry. I always thought he was just tired from work or just feeling grumpy because he has an unstable mom. I never knew he felt so disgusted with me that he would describe my having children as “shitting out kids” to other people when he talks to them. We have been together for 4 years and I thought he wanted to be here, he always was the one to bring up and initiate the next step of our relationship. I never forced anything on him. He always seemed to be happy to be with us, but then he tells me he hates it. That i deserve someone better than him, just not right now. I really need some guidance and advice. (age 29, from US)
My advice: break up with him now! Don’t waste any more of your energy trying to figure out what to do. Get him out of your life before he can hurt you or your children any more. What you are describing is not a loving and supportive relationship — so I agree with him that you can do better.
Break ups are never convenient or the “right time,” you just have to make a decision and stick to it. Lean on your friends and family for support, but lose the dead weight.
All the best,
Dr. Holly Counts
In a Very Confusing Relationship. What Do I Do?
Holly Counts, Psy.D.
Dr. Holly Counts is a licensed Clinical Psychologist. She utilizes a mind, body and spirit approach to healing. Dr. Counts received her Bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Wright State University and her Masters and Doctoral degrees in Clinical Psychology from Nova Southeastern University. Dr. Counts has worked in a variety of settings and has specialized in trauma and abuse, relationship issues, health psychology, women’s issues, adolescence, GLBT, life transitions and grief counseling. She has specialty training in guided imagery, EMDR, EFT, hypnosis and using intuition to heal. Her current passion involves integrating holistic and alternative approaches to health and healing with psychology.
APA Reference Counts, H. (2018). In a Very Confusing Relationship. What Do I Do?. Psych Central.
Retrieved on November 20, 2019, from https://psychcentral.com/ask-the-therapist/2015/11/27/in-a-very-confusing-relationship-what-do-i-do/
Last updated: 8 May 2018 (Originally: 27 Nov 2015) Last reviewed: By a member of our scientific advisory board on 8 May 2018 Published on Psych Central.com. All rights reserved.