It’s possible that you might have to give into his demands, in the short-term, to prevent his violence but, as a long-term strategy, it will only reinforce his behavior. Giving into him is essentially enabling his behavior.
For your own safety, your son should not be allowed to live in your home if he continues to behave in this manner. You should call the authorities whenever he is threatening. Of course, you don’t want your son in legal trouble, but you have to protect yourself and your family from potential harm. Angry, impulsive people can be dangerous.
It’s normal to experience anger from time to time. The normal response to anger is to be aggravated, but it’s generally short-lived and it passes.
Alternatively, people with severe anger problems are out of control and destructive. They break things and get into fights; they act out their rages physically. They have a higher propensity for violence, which could turn deadly if they have access to weapons. If there are any weapons in your home, they should be securely locked away or removed immediately. People who have shown excessive anger, should never have access to weapons.
I have two final recommendations. The first is your going to counseling. You might be wondering why I’m recommending counseling for you when it is your son who has the anger problem. In counseling, you could learn concrete and effective strategies for dealing with your son’s anger. In addition, if he knew that you were open to counseling, then he might also be.
The second recommendation is that you read books about tough love. Sometimes, parents unintentionally fuel the problem. This may not be true for you, but you want to avoid inadvertently reinforcing his potentially dangerous behavior.
It is also critically important that you think of what is best for your son. You have an established way of dealing with your sons’ anger. Your method diffuses his anger but is that good for your son? What effect will this have upon him? Is this method increasing his problem? Could it lead to disaster? You must do what is best for him in the long run.
I hope this helps. Please take care.
Dr. Kristina Randle